My Dad

My dad's death brought so many mixed feelings, most of them good. This is the hardest, most challenging thing I have ever had to do. But for some reason that I can't explain, life is good. My outlook on my life has changed significantly and I have had more energy to take care of things and a greater sense of urgency to get life's most important matters in order.

I look at my relationships with my wife and the boys through different eyes. I simply want the best for them, and want it more than ever. I want them to always know that I love them and that I would be anywhere and do anything for them anytime.


I have always thought that Porter has so many physical traits that my Dad had, especially the brown eyes and that he is a lefty. I am so grateful for that little curly haired 2-year old reminder that I get to be with everyday. I just hope and pray that he, Bronzen and Seth will all gain Dad's spiritual traits.

I have become closer to Quinn - we had some very sacred and meaningful things happen these past few weeks that have brought us closer together. I realize that he will (and already has started to) be able to fill part of the void. He is who I will go to now for advice or a blessing or just to go and get a coke with. I am glad that we live so close to each other, but more importantly that we both live so close to Mom.

I also look at my relationship with the Lord a little differently. I have a stronger desire to serve and love him. Dad told me that if I'd lose myself in the Lord's work, that all aspects of my life would be in order. I want to have the passion for the scriptures that my dad had.

Dad was and is one of the elect of God. He had all of the important things in perfect order. Those things are: His relationship with Heavenly Father and the Savior; his relationship with mom; his relationship with us kids, our spouses, and his grandkids; his quiet, humble service in church callings; His relationship with his fellowmen; and his confidence in himself.

He used to pride himself on being able to: Out hit, out talk, out drive, out throw, out shoot, out walk, out run, and out think all of us. The last time we played home run derby at the college, we came home and he went through the whole list with us and said that he may not be able to out hit or throw us - but he could still out talk us and that if either of us wanted to argue with that, he would also out shoot us (especially with the AK.) He had a sense of humor of his own and we all love it. I miss seeing him start to get a big grin just before the punch lines.

He was involved in so many different things in life, but most important to him was being involved in all of our lives. He used to drop whatever he was doing to come and coach my baseball teams. I remember him coming to practice and to the games in either his suit after (or during) his church meetings, or his work clothes. He wrote in his life history that he coached 63 games between Quinn and I in just one summer! He said that he didn't know how he found time to work - I know he worked hard that summer - but being at our games was the priority.

I am grateful that he taught me the game of baseball. It is a great game. It has so many parallels with life's lessons. Of course like other sports, there is opposition or the opposing team. The good guys have a coach, as well as the other team. But unique only to baseball you have a 1st and 3rd base coach helping you each step of the way, they are there to make sure that you are always safe and that you eventually make it back home. The Manager gives direction to the other coaches and they act under that direction for your benefit. There are other aspects of the game like sacrifice bunts and flies that are intended only for advancing or helping another. Like I said, it is a great game and I will be forever grateful that my dad taught me about baseball. How to play it, watch it, respect it, and love it. I got to play catch with him for the last time Thanksgiving Day, he still had it at 59.

On December 24th we had Christmas Eve dinner at mom and dad's, December 25th we were at their house for a while and had some good conversations. December 26th we went to a movie with mom and dad, December 27th dad called me at about 6:00pm and said that they were inviting themselves over to play games and have chips and salsa - that was a good night - we laughed hard, December 28th he and I talked on the phone for a while about the priesthood lesson in his ward. December 29th at 11:00am, dad called and asked if I would come and give him a blessing. He said that he didn't know what was wrong - I could tell from his voice that it wasn't something small - but I didn't want to think about anything bad. I got a break from work a couple of hours later and went straight there. Jeremy Young just happened to get into town that day so the two of us gave dad a blessing while he laid there in his bed - I had the impression to tell him that the Lord had other callings in store for him where hundreds would benefit from his influence, I didn't realize at the time that it wouldn't be in the Santa Clara 12th ward, but rather on the other side. December 30th I had a headache from hell after a long day in court with Bronzen and went home to lay down for a while. I woke up with the worst feeling - I knew that my dad was in trouble. Five minutes later Maria called and told Meree that I needed to get to the hospital a.s.a.p. because dad had a heart attack. I got there quick to find Quinn and mom with about the same look on their faces as I had. We all wondered how this could be possible - the man who was "healthy as a horse" had a heart attack. The first thing I said to Quinn was "these kind of things don't happen to dad, what the hell?" The rest of the day was spent at his side and on the phone with loved ones as we all shared the burden of being bearers of bad news. We spent many hours at the hospital with friends and family there to show concern and support. The next day December 31st was a long day full of worry and planning amongst siblings in behalf of our mom and dad. Maria, Nicole, and Anita all came quickly - their three husbands were the ones who made that possible. We all sat there on the couch in the ICU waiting room and watched the ball drop ringing in a new year that none of us were quite ready for. New Year's day was another long one - that we now wish wouldn't have ended. We all sat in the hospital room with USC and Penn State in the background. We laughed, we cried, and we felt the strong presence of the Holy Ghost as it began to prepare us for something that none of us would ever be able to prepare for ourselves. Dad was calm, he spoke softly, but confidently that night. We kept asking him if he wanted us to leave and let him get some sleep - he was very persistent in telling us, "no, I want you to stay." One of the last things that we heard him say was, "maybe this is the miracle that I've been praying for." We all at one point or another got to have a short talk just with him while everyone was visiting. Quinn spent the night with him that night so that mom could get some sleep at home. After two days of promising recovery (December 31st and January 1st) things took a turn for the worse. On January 2, 2009 our husband, dad, grandpa, brother, friend, and hero passed away.

I will miss him, he is the epitome of what a dad should be. It is my hope that I will be able to clearly hang on to the many priceless lessons he taught me so that I can be the kind of dad that he is to me. I love you dad, you did good.

Love, Matt ("Sparky" "Matty-boy" "bud")